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Some children don't act out when school becomes overwhelming...
They go quiet.
They stop trying.
They slowly pull away.
By the second week of the school year, many parents notice this subtle shift, a child who seems less engaged, more avoidant, or emotionally flat about learning.
This is often misread as laziness or lack of motivation.
In reality, it’s usually the opposite.
When learning environments repeatedly miss a child’s needs, the nervous system adapts. Confusion becomes frustration. Frustration becomes shame. And shame eventually leads to withdrawal.
Research into student participation and inclusion, reflected in work by ADHD Australia and learning-difference organisations such as SPELD, shows that disengagement is rarely a sudden choice. It’s a gradual response to repeated experiences of “I can’t do this the way it’s being asked.”
Early in the term, it’s tempting to hope things will settle. Sometimes they do. But when disengagement appears early, waiting often allows small gaps to grow.
Evidence summaries from AADPA emphasise that early, well-matched support leads to better academic and emotional outcomes than trying to re-engage a child who has already learned that school feels unsafe.
Before a child can re-engage with learning, they need to feel emotionally secure, met with curiosity, not correction; clarity, not pressure.
Children don’t pull away because they don’t care.
They pull away because caring has started to hurt.
